What Do You Want?
— by Cory Carlson
The following is an excerpt from Cory Carlson’s new book, Rise and Go. The book is available here on Amazon.
Leadership Trait: Desires
John 1:38, “Jesus turned and saw them following and said to them, ‘What are you seeking?’”
The first of Jesus’s words reported in the book of John do not take the form of a statement. Jesus’s first words in John are actually a question.
We know that Jesus was a great teacher, but we don’t always recognize the significance of questions in His teachings. A quick Google search reveals that in the Bible, Jesus was asked 183 questions. In contrast, He asked 307 questions of others. Asking questions was a big part of Jesus’s style of teaching and of the way He had conversations!
I think He asked questions for several reasons.
First, He was interested in learning the audience’s perspective. Once He knew this, He could customize His message to show how the Good News could meet their specific needs. The root of His message was always the same. But the context varied, depending on His audience and their desires.
To the woman at the well, He talked about “living water.” To the disciples trying to catch fish, He talked about “catching men.” Jesus always speaks to His listeners in a language that they understand.
Another important reason Jesus asked questions was because when people answered, this allowed them to verbalize what they wanted. There is power in saying what one wants out loud. Science backs this up.
Clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D., says that “speaking out loud to oneself allows us to sort through our thoughts in a more conscious manner.” Put another way, when we say things out loud, we become more aware of what is going on in our mind. Manly goes on to say, “we become more conscious of the mind’s ramblings and can then become more intentional.”
A 2011 study published in the Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology reported on the potential benefits of talking to oneself. In this study, twenty participants were instructed to locate certain objects in a grocery store. In the first trial, no one was allowed to talk out loud as they searched for the items. In the second trial, the participants were instructed to repeat the names of the objects out loud as they searched for them. All of the participants found the items more quickly in the second trial!
Speaking words out loud helps us to focus on what we are searching for. Saying “mustard” numerous times, for example, will help you stay focused on finding the mustard, so that you don’t get distracted by all the other items on the shelves that are just waiting to grab your attention.
HOW WILL YOU ANSWER?
Whenever a paralyzed man or a blind man approached Jesus, He would ask the man a key question: “What do you want?” To most of us, that seems like a silly question. We think:
Wouldn’t anyone who was paralyzed want to be able to walk? Didn’t all blind people want to be able to regain their sight?
That may be the case. But Jesus still asks the questions. As a result, each person had to say what they truly wanted out loud.
So what about you? What do you want?
Seriously, what do you want?
If Jesus were to walk right into your office, your house, or wherever you are at right now and ask, “What do you want?” what would be your answer?
Do you want the next quarter in your business to be a strong one? Do you desire an improved relationship with your teenager? To overcome an addiction? To obtain financial freedom? To launch your own business? To find a spouse—or, if you’re already married, to improve your relationship?
When I’m working with clients, I use an exercise in which I ask them what they want. In it, I ask a few questions, such as, “What would success in this area look like in six months?” “If we were to celebrate in one year with a bottle of champagne, what would we be celebrating?” “What do you want to see happen within one year—or three, or five?” I ask for answers that address both the personal and professional areas of their life.
I do this exercise for a couple reasons. First, the process requires them to slow down and think about what they actually want. So often in life, we focus on accomplishing tasks, yet we have forgot- ten why we are even doing them. It’s important to ask: What are all my efforts for? What is the big picture? Where am I headed?
The other reason I do it is that once I know what they want, then I know where I can help and how I can add value to their lives. I am then able to customize my coaching program to hold them accountable for reaching their stated goals. I can help them to stay focused on what they want and not become distracted or go off track.
As you consider these questions, you may find it very difficult to answer them. The first time I tried, I came up blank, and so do many of my clients. But why is it so hard for us to answer these questions?
It’s unlikely that anybody ever specifically told us not to answer these types of questions. Yet I think many of us internalized the idea that we shouldn’t. We feel that if we focus too much on what we want, then we are being selfish and not thinking of others. So when we try to consider these questions, we experience feelings of guilt.
There are also some of us who don’t like to answer this question, or to pray about what we desire, because we don’t like the thought of treating God like a genie. But that is not what I’m proposing. I’m not advising that anyone treat God as some kind of ATM or Santa Claus.
However, God does want us to go after something. God wants us to find something in life to pursue that will expand the Kingdom and bring Glory to Him, while also bringing us joy. Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
One thing I love about parenting is that it sometimes leads to moments when I get a glimpse of how God feels about us. One example of this has to do with my son Kaleb, who is nine years old and a very good athlete for his age. Up until now, he has only played recreational sports, and we have not yet signed him up for any of the competitive youth sports teams that are commonplace today. However, soon he will have to decide if he wants to play soccer, basketball, or football year-round.
Regardless of his choice, I am going to support him in his decision. As a dad, I just want him to pick the sport that he enjoys the most, try his hardest, have fun, and be the light to his teammates— and in the process, bring glory to God.
God is the same way. He does not mind how we answer the question of what we want. He just wants us to pursue with excellence the desires that align with His heart, and so to bring Him glory.
So, what do you want?
Keep in mind that you are not answering this question for life. You don’t need to have a perfect answer that will look great on your tombstone someday. You only need to answer the question for right now. Where do you need God’s help in your life? Where are you wanting God to provide some favor?
Whether your answer applies just to today or to a longer period of time, you need to start taking the actions necessary to make that desire a reality. You need to move toward that situation, relation- ship, or opportunity with both feet, pursue it with excellence, and bring glory to God in the process.
“TO PAINT AGAIN”
One of my favorite client stories is of a time when I worked with a business leader named Kyle. Earlier in his career, Kyle had been very creative as a designer and illustrator. But due to the busyness of life, he had put his creative endeavors aside, especially painting.
When I asked him the question, “What do you want?” he slowly responded with the words: “To paint again.” The slowness of his response came out of guilt he felt because he’d been led to believe that an answer like that was selfish. Shouldn’t his answer involve his wife and daughter? Shouldn’t his response have something to do with leadership, work, or serving others?
My response surprised him. I told him that painting was not selfish and that pursuing the creative practice of painting could in fact make him a better leader, father, and husband. Art would connect him to God, give him rest, utilize his creativity, and fill his heart up so he could be better in all areas of his life. Making art was not selfish!
I encouraged him to make his desire a reality. I told him to start pulling this dream forward into the present, instead of pushing it out into the black hole of the future. Over the next few weeks of coaching calls, we discussed steps he could take each day. Over those weeks, he began to check items off the list. These included gathering his paint, purchasing canvases, and renting a studio. Most importantly, he started to paint.
One day I received a surprise package on my front door. I was stunned to see what was inside. Kyle had made a painting that was incredible and looked like something from a gallery! To be honest, I’d had no idea Kyle was such a good painter! I felt especially touched by the concept of the painting. The image was of a four-person tandem red bike against a yellow background. The four-person bike represented the group coaching call I led every other week with Kyle and two other clients.
The painting still hangs above my fireplace, not only because it is beautiful, but also because it’s an inspiring reminder that God wants us to answer the question, “What do we want?” and then boldly go after the subject of our answer.
ACTION STEPS
Spend ten minutes listing all that you want for your business and life: today, this week, and this month. This part is critical, as reestablishing one’s footing is a key step in starting to dream again!
Next, spend five minutes in prayer to see if you get clarity about which of these desires to pursue first. Start a list of action steps you can take that will get you one step closer to your dreams.
In the weeks ahead, keep an eye out for opportunities to act on these steps. Or choose one or two steps that you already know you can take, and schedule time in your calendar now to do them.
PRAYER
Lord, when I read this chapter and consider the question “What do you want?” my mind just races. What if I choose the wrong thing? What if I pick something you don’t want me to do? When I feel unsure, please help me remember that you have given me freedom of choice and that, by opening and closing doors, you’ll help redirect my course as I move forward. Amen.