— by Amanda Lawson

The past 2 years of my life have been a long season of learning a lot about obedience. It hasn’t always (read: rarely) been a pretty or smooth process. Tracing the ways the Lord has cultivated an obedient heart in me has brought me low—not always willingly—on several occasions, especially as I grow in my understanding of how obedience relates to my work. I don’t pretend to have all of the answers, and I certainly struggle to listen when the Lord calls me to difficult things in my job. I’ve often found myself wrestling with what happens when I don’t obey and I find myself in a position where I am tempted to give in to shame and guilt, and how do I come out of it? 

As someone who grew up in and around the church, I’d heard the story about Peter denying Jesus many times. It had always been about how Jesus knew what Peter would do, that He chose Peter anyway, that Peter felt conviction and went on to be one of the founders of the Christian Church. Occasionally, someone would connect the 3 denials with Jesus later asking him 3 times if Peter loved Him. Somehow that seemed to fall short of the full impact. 

Peter knew who Jesus was. He had seen too much to walk away; he said as much when many of the disciples left Jesus (“Where else would we turn? You have the words of life and death.” John 6). It wasn’t just a cheap moment of self-preservation; it was a blatant rejection of truth he knew at the core of his being. So, when Peter and Jesus are walking on the beach, it’s understandable that Peter would be experiencing a wide range of intense emotions. And where it would have been more than justified for Jesus to chastise Peter, He doesn’t. 

It strikes me that Jesus isn’t trying to call Peter out and Peter isn’t about to defend himself. Peter knew he sinned. Jesus knew Peter knew. But in the moment that could have been the most convicting (and literal) come to Jesus moment of all time, Jesus draws Peter in for a very different kind of come to Jesus conversation. Not once does Jesus point out Peter’s betrayal. He doesn’t ask three times “Peter are you sorry?” or “Peter how are you planning to make up for it?” He asks, “Do you love me?” 

I’d like to submit that this might be because Jesus is significantly more concerned with our hearts being for Him than walking perfectly, and certainly more interested in growing our relationship than shaming us into hiding. 

As entrepreneurs and investors—and frankly, whatever position you find yourself in—understanding this interaction can be a game-changer. While we try to honor God in what we do, obeying His call on our lives and bringing our whole selves into our work, we aren’t perfect. We struggle to make the hard decisions, to sacrifice, or to humble ourselves and relinquish control. When this happens, it’s easy to look at the mistakes we made and, the paths we should have taken, and to feel guilty and choose shame. And hey, we wouldn’t be the first. 

In the Garden of Eden, upon becoming aware of their disobedience, Adam and Eve tried to hide from God, ashamed of their sin. While talking with Jesus on the beach, Peter was adamant of his love for Jesus, which begs the question, who exactly was he trying to convince? When we feel shame, we so often try to hide like Adam and Eve or to over-compensate like Peter. But that’s not what the Lord calls us to. In the aftermath of their sin, God called to Adam and Eve with a plan (Genesis 3:15) and Jesus was far more concerned with Peter’s heart posture than his perfection.

When we find ourselves facing consequences of disobedience, the temptation is to run and hide, or vehemently declare our devotion; as if Jesus is the one who needs to be convinced of our love. In reality, He already knows both our hearts and our failings, and He chooses to love us anyway. Maybe it’s us who need the reminder that we love Him and, that since we are in Him, our mistakes don’t ruin that love. We don’t need to hide from Him because He is the one who redeems, and who already has. 

Of course, as Paul notes in Romans 6:2, this grace doesn’t give license to disobey. Rather, it demonstrates God’s love for us and enables us to repent, to turn to Him and obey going forward. So, as we attempt to follow the Lord’s call on our lives, it’s much more about our hearts than the outcome. When we have slipped up, when we have chosen our preferences over the Lord’s voice, instead of trying to hide overcome in our shame, we can turn back to the Lord and check our hearts. 

We can remind ourselves that we love and belong to Him and are His. We are not defined by disobedience or failure. When we remember that our hearts are His, that the outcomes are His, that we are forgiven, we are free to follow Him in our work— even when we fail. It is His grace that enables us to repent, to look to Him and check our hearts’ posture, and to move forward in freedom rather than shame. 

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