— by John Hawkins

Jim was learning a difficult leadership lesson at a time of midlife evaluation.  Interestingly enough, this realization came from having dinner with his wife, Helen, his Vice President of Sales, Rob Chittington, and Rob’s wife, Sarah.

Dinner had been a celebration of the two couples’ twentieth anniversaries.  Four years ago, Jim finally convinced Rob to come work for his company, and since then, Rob had been a great addition to the organization.  He had also been a great sounding board and friendly critic for Jim.  Launching the company had been much more difficult for Jim than he could have ever imagined.  Rob’s trusted input and proven expertise were valuable assets to the company and to their friendship.

As the friends lingered over dessert and coffee, Helen posed a revealing question to Rob.  “In the four years that you have worked with Jim,” Helen asked, “what have you learned about him that you didn’t know before.”  A quick smile brightened Rob’s face as he considered the question.  Rob loved to receive feedback and likewise enjoyed opportunities to give feedback.  Jim braced himself, realizing that his faithful friend would be candid.

With sincerity, Rob quickly mentioned several of Jim’s strengths, giving examples of each.  He then turned to a specific challenge that he believed was before Jim.  “Jim,” Rob thoughtfully continued, “I believe that your desire for security and significance hampers your leadership.  Personally, I know you as a man of great integrity.  But in your leadership at work, you are often like a chameleon, constantly changing to avoid risks and win praise.  Chameleons are a wonder to watch but an exasperation to follow.”

Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.”   Rob was indeed a faithful friend.  As the two wives stared downward, wondering how they could redirect the conversation to the happiness of the occasion, Jim responded to Rob’s comments.  “You’ve always been an honest voice of insight for me, Rob.  You are, most of the time, right on the mark.  Let’s get together for breakfast and you can explain to me further what you see.  And let’s keep meeting each week until we both believe that I have begun to address the problem.”

Rob happily agreed to Jim’s breakfast plan and reiterated the strengths in Jim’s life and leadership.  The dinner ended as it had begun, with enjoyment and appreciation for the years of marriage and the years of the two couples’ friendships.  As Jim and Helen drove home, Helen commented on Jim’s levelheaded response to Rob’s comment.  Jim replied, “I really believe that Rob is on to something.  Too many times, I feel like a chameleon, trying to figure out what color I must become next to play things safe and prove my worth to others.  As a leader, I’m constantly shifting, not firmly planted in my convictions.  I don’t understand all of the reasons I act this way, but I know this isn’t the leader I want to be.”

“I know that this isn’t the leader that I want to be.”  This isn’t an easy admission for anyone to make, but Jim’s feeling that he isn’t living up to his leadership potential is common.  As the years of our lives pass and the weight of our responsibilities increase, weariness and spiritual erosion can begin to wear down the quality of our influence.  Our focus as leaders can become fixed on basic desires such as survival, personal comfort, peace, and success.  As this happens, our leadership shifts focus, realigning toward self-protection and self-serving goals, rather than centering on service to others. 

The character, competence, and commitment of a lifestyle leader must be coherent with a clearly defined set of beliefs and virtues.  These beliefs and virtues contain what we understand about truth and the noble purposes we are called to accomplish.  Leadership founded upon truth and noble purposes stays focused on service to others rather than service to self.  This type of leadership exemplifies constancy and stability, rather than the ever-shifting, chameleon-like leadership in which personal goals replace beliefs and virtues.

Jim, in the opening story, is a leader whose leadership has shifted.  He finds himself in his early forties with a broken leadership compass.  He is a good guy who wants to be a good leader, but the internal compass that guides his leadership points in the wrong direction.  It continuously points toward personal security and personal significance rather than in the direction of core beliefs and virtues.  Though he realizes his compass is askew, it is hard for him to determine how he is off-track as a leader and what he must do to get back on the right path.  He knows that he continually changes according to the circumstances and that this is not the kind of leader he wants to be.

For a Christian leader, God’s Word is the source of core beliefs and God’s character is the source of our core virtues.  By core beliefs, we mean those precepts that make up ultimate truth.  These we find in the Bible.  Core virtues are those aspects of right heart, mind and actions that we see characterized by God the Father, Christ the Son and the Holy Spirit in the Bible.  Alignment with God’s Word and God’s character points the leader to steadfast, principled leadership.  It is built upon a prayerful ongoing intake of the Bible that leads to reflection, repentance and right action.  Integration of faith into our thoughts and actions is an internal change of personal culture.  By God’s grace, we must displace many things that we believe and value, learn new beliefs and values, and anchor those new beliefs and values into our daily life in all spheres of influence.  Integration of faith is indeed personal cultural change, and it takes prayer, time and reflection.

Fortunately for Jim, he has a faithful friend cheering him on as he focuses on integrating the truth of God’s Word and the righteousness of God’s character in his life and leadership.  It is still a challenging path ahead, but by God’s grace and Rob’s support, he’ll get there.

---

The original version of this article appeared in Leadership as a Lifestyle, John Hawkins, Executive Excellence Publishing, 2001.  You can learn more about John Hawkins at https://www.lead-edge.com/john-hawkins.

Related articles