Better and Better
I never saw it coming. I started my business part-time in January, 2000, and I completed my MBA in September of the same year. I purchased my second new construction home. Things were going well, and I could not have been happier. I was steadily moving up the corporate ladder. I was on my way to another level in management. By 2005, I had moved into a new department. Then, the news came down that the company was going through a major layoff. My vice president stated that everyone would be notified. I did not think anything of it at the time. The Monday of the announcement, I had a doctor’s appointment, so I had planned to work from home. When I got home from the doctor and tried to login, I could not get access. But this was nothing new. After several attempts, I packed my bags and headed to the office. On the way there, my vice president called, asking me to call her in the New Jersey office when I got in. She told me that my assignment was being terminated and that I was being laid off. Thankfully, I had another opportunity within the company with another unit. I was told the layoff had nothing to do with my work or skills, but management felt the two company employees in North Carolina could easily find jobs because we lived in the high-tech RTP area. Little did the executives know that another company in the region, Nortel, had just laid off thousands of people. Many of my friends were searching for jobs. After prayer and clarity, God directed me to start my own business, full-time instead of taking the job in the same company. I was told by the unit director that I was very smart to take the layoff package and make the leap into entrepreneurship because everyone in the company may soon be searching for a job. God had a plan greater than me. I legalized and started the business full time with the money from my severance package.
After six months of being laid off, I received a call to return to the company as a contractor, making more money. It was amazing, and I still had my benefits for a short while. I also was offered a job to teach business classes at a community college, so I had income chasing me down. Once the contract ended a year later, I was able to return to working full time in my business and teaching part time. Remember God’s ways are not like our ways. I was doing well work wise, but I also was suffering with fibroids, and they became a major issue. I felt like the woman with the issue of blood in the Bible. I was mentally and physically tired. I had spent my 401K on the business and trying to sustain myself. I had marketing bills and medical bills.
I asked God, “What do you want me to do?” I heard the Lord’s voice clearly. “Sell the house. It has become a burden.” I looked around the room to see if I really heard God’s voice, but I knew I had. It had to be ordained by God, because the house sold within one day of placing it on the market, and many household items sold, as well.
But even after selling the house, I was having major financial issues because the housing market was plummeting, so fewer people were hiring interior decorators. A friend suggested I file for bankruptcy. I was mad because I did not want to do that, but I was fooling myself. I was really struggling. After speaking to three attorneys, I filed for bankruptcy. The attorney said I was paying everyone except myself. He submitted a mandate for me to relinquish the business, as well as a truck that was dying and all my bills. I cried and cried. I felt like a failure. I think the stress of it all caused the fibroids to increase.
I re-opened another design business with a new strategy. I had no time to be fearful. I felt I was wearing a big “F” on my chest. No one really knew but the people closest to me, but I felt like the entire world knew. Many times, we carry guilt and shame that others do not see, and it is a heavy burden to carry. A friend reminded me that entrepreneurship is not for everyone. It takes strength, determination, perseverance and faith the size of a mustard seed. So, I got my new business in place with a new strategy, no marketing, and hopefully less pain. Business was slowly picking up, but it still was not that great.
The fibroids continued to be an issue. I was placed on temporary medication and had frequent doctor visits to help with the pain and bleeding, but it was not working. Gasoline and, at times, food made me nauseated. Some days were unbearable, but I did not have time to stop.
In the midst of this turmoil, God blessed me to have a huge opportunity to be the designer for a church – for free. I said, “Lord did you really say pro bono? Really? Do you see my bank account? God, I am struggling. The corporate job is gone, I sold my house, and entrepreneurship is not what it is cracked up to be.” However, I was obedient, and God continued to keep me and bless me!
About six months later, I ended up in the hospital, because I could not keep food down. I was in excruciating pain. I could not sit or stand. The doctor said he needed to operate immediately because the fibroids were growing. The doctor was surprised that I was still able to move around. I bled for most of the summer with little relief. My bladder would fill up with a sip of water. I was still miserable. I was beginning to eat pain pills like food, and I had no energy. It was only by the grace of God that I was still standing. I told the doctor I needed to wait until after I finished summer school to have the operation because I also was in the middle of the big pro-bono project. So, I finished teaching summer school, and then I had the surgery.
With the surgery and bankruptcy behind me, I worked to re-establish myself and the new business name. It was hard to obtain any type of loan because of the previous bankruptcy. Seven years had passed before the doors once again opened for me, and I had to wait eight years for the bankruptcy to completely clear from my credit history.
I felt that every time I got close to obtaining a business loan, roadblocks with large barricades were glaring at me. I thought that surely decorating at the White House would make things better, but traditional lenders told me my business had grown too fast. It was a great problem to have, but it prevented me from moving forward with the business.
Yes, my business had grown quickly, but I knew that playing in the arena with the big boys meant I had to have cash on hand. My numbers looked good on paper, the clientele was there, but the steady cash flow was not. Most small business owners understand this fluctuation. I worked hard to build a business, sacrificing my needs for my business and the team, and it started to feel like a burden instead of enjoyment. I had to change my mindset and seek God for answers. I asked the Lord for wisdom and business strategy. So many nights and days I cried out, “Lord, help your daughter. I need you!”
Just when I was starting to feel defeated, it happened. The clients I prayed for and who were meant for me started calling. God sent people of influence to help and guide me, and doors began to open all around me.
Do not get me wrong, I still had other issues, but I had a team of resources and knowledge from other successful business owners to guide me and to share their stories. I am usually the one to pour into others and provide insight and wisdom, so I was thankful to have the right people to begin to pour into and direct me. That’s God’s way!
Still, I had to learn to be strong and watch the people who were coming to be helpful. I realized that everyone who smiles in your face is not always in your corner. At one point, I ended up in a loan that was not a wise fit for me. I take full responsibility for my actions, but it taught me a great lesson. If it does not sound good and there are red flags, STOP! Remember, for every No, there is a Yes waiting to happen. Just make sure the Yes is from God.
During this time, I saw people shift, and God gave me clarity. I quickly learned that who is with you for the short term may not be who is with you for the long term. I realized that when people discounted me, it made me step up my game and give it all I had. I know what God has promised! I will walk in what God has promised for my life. Everyone cannot go with you! Some people are only with you for a short while. Once they fulfill their mission or you fulfill your mission, they are released. Count it all joy and keep moving!
LIFE LESSONS:
You are not alone — no matter what.
Ask for big things and expect BIG things!
Keep pouring out. Your living is not in vain!
For every no, trust God for His YES!
Some people only serve a time and purpose in your life, do not stop their departure. Your next steps and your growth may not include them.
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