This article was originally published here by Adkins Talent Solutions

— by Katie Adkins

Words are powerful. Words impact us. Words can brighten our days, encourage our hearts, and save our lives. Words can also tear us down, close us off, and even endanger our lives.

Have you asked yourself if you truly understand another person’s words? Or do you W.A.I.T to ask yourself “Why Am I Talking?”

I’ve found that listening well to others’ words can be more powerful than speaking the words. I’ve also learned the hard way that listening well is dependent on our state of mind.

Yesterday morning, I took time to reflect on a recent conversation. I realize that my state of mind affected how my friend’s words impacted both of us. 

The conversation started with my friend energetically explaining a situation to me in which she hoped to help someone else. During her story, I was unaware that I was actually only “reactively” listening to her. I was focused on my thoughts and only heard her words at face value instead of actively listening to her. 

My lack of listening caused me to react quickly based on my interpretation of one phrase from my friend’s mouth. I stopped her mid-sentence to let her know that I disagreed with her phrase. I launched into my thoughts instead of asking her thoughtful questions. I was not actively listening to her.

Active listening includes asking powerful questions. Powerful questions help us better understand the meaning of others’ words. 

It is no surprise that my self-focused reaction caught my friend off-guard. My words shut her down and she closed off. 

Learning and growth stops when anyone closes themselves off. 

I hate to admit that I closed off a growth opportunity due to my lack of listening. However, I also believe that mistakes are learning opportunities. I share my learning with you to show you the power of listening.

Now, you might be thinking… “And you call yourself a listening leader?” Or “What are you doing being a leadership coach?” My answer is… I’m always growing. I’m thankful for the grace that others give me and how they help me grow.

Listening well is a lifelong learning lesson.

I love coaching because it reminds me to work on my self-awareness. I have to be self-aware in order to focus on listening to my clients. I also seek to listen better in everyday life.

I failed to listen well to my friend’s story, but the beautiful thing is… we both learned from it! My friend texted me a few hours later saying “No big deal just thought I would reach out and tell you how much I appreciate you… being understood is the greatest gift we can give one another.”

Everyone can listen. Everyone can lead (whether we believe it or not). We lead by listening to those around us. We lead by seeking to understand.

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[ Photo by Vincent van Zalinge on Unsplash ]